Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
