READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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