Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
