i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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