weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
