I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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