it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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