Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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