I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
