My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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