a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
