38 yer olds are good kisserssss
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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