Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
