i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
