So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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