Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just pynch a tree in the face
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
