can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I need a hoe opinion
go on
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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