If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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