As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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