half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
