I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My hand turned me down
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
