i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
