She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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