First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize