Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
