Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
