were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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