When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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