All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
