Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
