may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
