he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
