last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Randomize
