If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
