oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
