i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
