Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
