Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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