A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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