I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
