Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
