Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
