Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
