Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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