WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
