Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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