My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
