He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
