Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
