Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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