Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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