hotel room ftw
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
