I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
