Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
