Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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