Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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