if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize