She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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