Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
