In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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