Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
