Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
