He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
