I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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