he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
