I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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