I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
