You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
