I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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