Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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