if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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