i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
