Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
