remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
