The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
