I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize