I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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